Saturday, January 31, 2009

Tattoo:Tooth ratio

Why is it the tattoo to tooth ratio directly proportional to ETOH intake and inversely proportional to good sense?

Like I really believe that your mandibular condyle fracture and through&through lip lac was cause by a slip and fall. Especially when your shipmate is two cubicles down with a boxer's fracture.


Sunday, January 25, 2009

Back in the day...

As you know I was once a Medic. In fact, my start in EMS was in the days of Ambulance drivers, attendants, and funeral home rigs. When I started all you needed was a Red Cross Advanced First Aid and CPR card.

The events I talked about yesterday and a post in Too Old to Work, Too Young to Retire's "Tales from the 'Blance me to take a trip down memory lane to one of my favorite "rookie" stories.

It was a nice summer Saturday afternoon. The kind of day to be sitting on a blanket at the lake watching the volleyball games, seeing and being seen. At the time I was a young "attendant" with Eternal Rest Mortuary and Ambulance Service. We were dispatched to a possible OD in one of the nicer parts of town. On arrival at a pleasant suburban ranch house, we were met by an angry father and a distraught mother. It seems the eldest daughter was made to babysit her siblings whilst Mom and Dad went to the club for a game of tennis.

Little Miss was apparently in a snit because she missed out on her day at the lake and decided to punish M & D by downing whatever she could find in the medicine chest and washing it down with some of Dad's 18 year old single malt. We followed them into the living room where a very beautiful, but obviously angst ridden 16 year old girl was sprawled on the coach with a large glass of water. She was alert and oriented, but very sullen and non communicative. I introduced myself and told her we were going to take her to St. Joe's (Hospital) so the doctor's could check her out and make sure everything was okay. With out a word, she finished the glass of water, got up and sat her self on the cot.

As we rolled her out the front door, her mother, who was going with us in the rig, mentioned that she had called their pediatrician who had advised her to give Little Miss ipecac syrup and a big glass of water...the water she had just finished...but nothing had happened yet. "No problem", I said, "I'll give her a basin if she needs it. She'll be just fine". We put her in the back of the Caddy and I climbed in with her while Mike A. got Mom situated up front.

I raised the head of the cot as much as I could, draped a big bath towel over her like a bib and gave Little Miss a surgical basin as Mike pulled away from the curb."Okay Honey. Do you feel like you need to throw up?" She just shook her head, no. Since her head was up I was sitting on the attendant chair that faced her with my back to the rear door (The old low top Cadillacs had two chairs that faced each other and folded into the floor).

In a few minutes she started that peculiar half hiccup/ half spasm that signals imminent evacuation of the stomach contents. I put a damp washcloth on her forehead and said "It's okay sweetheart. It's just the Ipecac. Go ahead and throw up in the bowl. You'll feel better." She just looked at me. The spasms increased in frequency and she was obviously about to spew.

I leaned forward to help her with the bowl when she turned, leaned over, and puked right in my lap!As soon as her stomach was empty she wiped her lips with the back of her hand, looked me right in the eyes, and with the sweetest smile you can imagine said, "F*&k you, a#$hole!"

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Be prepared...

I am extremely proud of my oldest son (10 y/o) today. We went to the grocery store to pick up a few things for the ribs we're fixing tonight. As we were leaving the store a little old lady with a cane missed the curb and face planted without being able to break her fall. I saw it coming but couldn't move fast enough to catch her.

She hit the ground with that awful wet melon sound and lay still . She was perfectly prostrate with her face straight down, nose squashed, and her arms at her side, dorsum down. A puddle of blood was quickly forming around her face, bubbling every time she breathed.

Once a Medic always a Medic....I started my primary survey. Okay, I have A and B, but her airway wasn't going to stay patent in that position much longer. She was other wise non-responsive. A small crowd was starting to gather. One guy hollered he was dialing 911. An off duty cop and a nurse came up and asked what they could do. I decided we needed to log roll her because her breathing was becoming more labored. Before we did, my son tugged on my sleeve and said "Dad, give me your keys. I'll go get your bag". I gave him my keys and he took off across the parking lot.

With the cop holding c-spine, the nurse, myself, and a Sailor in the crowd log rolled her. My son arrived back, out of breath ,with my trauma bag (like I said, once a Medic...) opened it up and asked "what do you need Daddy?" Gloves, Penlight, gauze, OP airway, he handed me everything I asked for with little need for direction. The bleeding was mostly from the nose and forehead lac. Surprisingly her anterior teeth were intact. The Fire Dept arrived within a few more minutes and we turned her care over to them.

The cop came up and shook my son's hand and told him what a great job he did and that his Daddy should be very proud of him. Well, let me tell you. My heart was nearly busting with pride. In the middle of a crisis, my son came through without hesitation. Heck, he knew stuff I didn't even think he knew or remembered.

Nate the Great, you are a great Scout and your Daddy is very proud of you.

Heard today... the facility I am temporarily assigned to; "My President is in now. I won't be having to do this sh@# much longer."

Sigh! I am hearing that sentiment more and more. Wake up folks! He did not promise 40 acres and a mule for everyone. The "stimulus" check is not in the mail. There is a long bumpy road ahead of us. Turn your attention more toward what Congress is doing rather than what President Obama is saying.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Hello....Is anybody out there?

I am so needy and desperate for affirmation! I can see by my site meter that people are looking at this blog. Would you mind leaving a comment on how you got here and what you think so far? What would you like to hear about?


Saturday, January 10, 2009

Where's Mah Teef?

MDOD has a post with a CT demonstrating a removable partial denture lodged in the pharynx.

Based on personal experience, and a quick surf of the literature, there are numerous reported cases of this with sequalae ranging from dysphagia and difficulty breathing to esophageal or colon perforation, some of which have resulted in death.

Inadvertently swallowing dentures is a big deal. Dentures are one of those items that should be accounted for regularly by the nursing home staff.

Dentures should also be labeled. I have also seen several cases where dentures were collected by staff for a "mass" cleaning and disinfection. It was a crap shoot as to whether the patients got correct ones back. Ownership was determined by best fit.

Monday, January 5, 2009


Tha's what I get for posting about something and not verifying it my self. Apparently the comments below that I attributed to SOTH Nancy Pelosi are untrue per

Just when I was getting good and worked up...

Hey did you know that the order of succession is the Vice President, the Speaker of the House, then the Secretary of State? Wonder if Hill and Bill know that? Hmmmmmmmm.....

The New Year Begins

Just got back from a great weekend with Mrs.V and the baby Docs. We went to Wintergreen Resort in the Blue Ridge. Went snow tubing, made s'mores, went to Monticello, UVA, and Crabtree Falls. The kids want to move to the mountains. The wifely woman was less than thrilled with the windy roads and switchbacks. Next week it's back to work on the ship. Back to the same old grind (dental pun).

I read recently that the Speaker of the House is seeking a windfall profit tax on retirement accounts. Madam Speaker(or maybe Comrade Chairman) Nancy Pelosi wants to put a Windfall Tax on all stockmarket profits (including Retirement fund, 401K and Mutual Funds! Alas ,it is true - all to help the 12 Million Illegal Immigrants and other unemployed Minorities!

This woman is frightening. She quotes..." We need to work toward the goal of equalizing income,(didn't Marx say something like this?), in our country and at the same time limiting the amount the rich can invest." (I am not rich, are you?)

When asked how these new tax dollars would be spent, she replied: "We need to raise the standard of living of our poor, unemployed and minorities. For example, we have an estimated 12 million illegal immigrants in our country who need our help along with millions of unemployed minorities. Stock market windfall profits taxes could go along way to guarantee these people the standard of living they would like to have as 'Americans".

Read that quote again and again and let it sink in. 'Lower your retirement, give it to others who have not worked as you have for it'.

I would really be outraged if my retirement fund hadn't of tanked along with the kid's education funds. Sure, I'll have a 20 year retirment from the military, but so much for having the funding to start a private practice. Arrrrgh!